Connect with us

Entertainment

Is Your Partner Cheating? Signs to Watch Out For

Even if you’re in the most secure partnership of all time, it’s human to wonder about textbook signs of cheating. Or, on the other hand, if you have some sneaking suspicions, it’s important to be aware of relationship red flags so you can protect yourself. Cheating “isn’t always black and white,” says Samantha Burns, L.M.H.C., couples therapist and author of Breaking Up and Bouncing Back, but there are some tell-tale signs that something’s up.

Cheating can be both physical and emotional, and involves breaking the covert or overt boundaries of your relationship, Burns says. “Since cheating is cloaked in secrecy, the person is doing their best not to arouse suspicion in their partner,” adds licensed marriage and family therapist Lesli Doares, author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage. “The cheater’s goal is to not get caught and then have to deal with the consequences. They strive to make everything appear normal.”

With that being said, it’s easy to draw conclusions about a partner based on pre-existing beliefs, says psychologist Paul Coleman, Psy.D., author of Finding Peace When Your Heart Is In Pieces, so self-awareness of personal biases (Do you tend to be overly trusting? Overly skeptical?) is key to your relationship analysis.

Below, experts outline the most common warning signs of infidelity. Noticing just one may not be a surefire sign of an unfaithful partner, but if you check multiple boxes in this list, it may be time to have a vulnerable chat.

They’re suddenly unreachable.

asia woman feeling sad in the bedroomTOONDELAMOUR//GETTY IMAGES

Here, change is the important factor. If your partner has a job that makes it tough to reach them during certain hours of the day, it doesn’t mean they’re cheating. But if you’re suddenly struggling to reach them when you could in the past, and it’s a consistent issue, that should raise a red flag.

“Cheaters need privacy and blocks of uninterrupted time,” Coleman points out. “Someone engaged in an ongoing affair must be periodically unreachable.” After all, they don’t want to risk you hearing suspicious voices or background noises.

Their schedule changes with no good explanation.

woman sitting alone, having coffee and texting on her mobile phoneMIXMIKE//GETTY IMAGES

Most people have predictable schedules, and even if their schedule changes, there’s usually a reason that makes sense. “Someone who must ‘work late’ all of a sudden at times that go beyond a reasonable explanation may be cheating,” Coleman says.

That’s especially true if this keeps happening when your partner has no new job, promotion, or project they’re working on.

Their friends don’t seem as friendly as they used to be.

woman sitting apart from friendsJGI/JAMIE GRILL//GETTY IMAGES

Cheaters tend to be less careful about covering their tracks in front of friends versus you. And, of course, people tend to confide in their friends. As a result, “there is a good chance your partner’s friends may know what’s really going on before you do,” Coleman says. Those friends may end up feeling uneasy and anxious around you because they know something you don’t

They have a decrease—or increase—in libido.

couple arguing in bedJGI/TOM GRILL//GETTY IMAGES

It’s more common for cheaters to decrease the frequency of sex at home, given that they’re getting it elsewhere, Coleman says. But sometimes they try to have sex more at home. “Guilt-ridden people may increase lovemaking,” Coleman says. “Some will do so to cover their tracks. But some may do so to satisfy a partner so that the partner will not be seeking sex at a later time when the cheater knows he or she won’t be available.”

They’re suddenly paying more attention to their appearance.

adult coupleSURKOVDIMITRI//GETTY IMAGES

Sometimes people decide to focus on their appearance as part of a New Year’s resolution or choose to start a new fitness routine for health reasons—but they’re usually pretty open about it.

“The reasons and timing must make sense,” Coleman says. If your partner is suddenly wearing cologne or spending a lot of money on new clothes, and it was never their thing in the past, it’s “not unreasonable to inquire why,” Coleman says. If their answer doesn’t make sense, it should raise a red flag.

Their phone habits change.

jealous womanMLADEN ZIVKOVIC//GETTY IMAGES

This can include a range of things, like changing their password or keeping their phone on them all the time when they used to leave it sitting out. “In committed partnerships, it’s not uncommon to know your partner’s password or be able to pick up their phone to look something up on the internet or snap a cute picture if your phone isn’t nearby,” says Burns. “If your partner seems possessive over their phone, or gets mad when you ask to use it, they may be hiding something.”

It can also include suspicious social media behaviors like following provocative accounts or people they don’t know, or engaging with suggestive posts. While these behaviors may be a warning sign of cheating, it is also a behavior that falls into a “gray area of infidelity” in itself, and one that sometimes becomes a “slippery slope” that leads to an affair, Burns explains. If you mention your concern to your partner and they “belittle you, or tell you that you’re being too sensitive, this is a red flag that they don’t respect you and will likely keep doing these behaviors,” says Burns

They don’t speak about your future together anymore.

caucasian couple arguing on sofaJOSE LUIS PELAEZ INC//GETTY IMAGES

In a relationship, it’s normal to speak about the future in terms of “we” and “us,” which denotes that the two of you see each other staying together long-term.

It can definitely be concerning “if you feel like your partner is checking out of the relationship, no longer making future plans, or talking about long-term intentions,” Burns explains. “This sign doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s infidelity going on, but it does mean it’s time for a relationship talk so that you can see if you’re still on the same page, working towards the same shared goals.”

They become emotionally unavailable.

couple having a disagreement at homeBYMURATDENIZ//GETTY IMAGES

In the same vein, if your partner once shared their emotions, thoughts, and feelings with you at length but has suddenly stopped, or is offering empty answers when you ask how they are, it could be a good idea to put your feelers out for more signs on this list.

What they say and what actually happens does not add up.

shot of a young couple sitting on the sofa at home and ignoring each other after a fightPEOPLEIMAGES//GETTY IMAGES

“This is often how cheaters get caught,” Doares says. Maybe your partner says they needed to do something that doesn’t add up, or someone they say they were with slips that they weren’t. “The truth is easy but lies are hard to keep straight,” she says. “Objective evidence supports truth but often conflicts with lies.”

Sometimes they might simply opt to not say much at all. People usually share intimate details of their day with their partner. But when they’re cheating, that tends to shift to the new fling, Mayer says. As a result, they end up telling you less. Remember: “In committed relationships it is normal to tell your partner where you’ll be, who will be there, and what time you’re expecting to be home,” Burns explains. “If your partner is dodging these questions, or you find out they aren’t where they said they’d be or with someone different, then your suspicions might be justified.”

They always seem stressed or irritable.

worried young asian man with his hand on head, using laptop computer at home, looking concerned and stressed outASIAVISION//GETTY IMAGES

When a cheater’s energy is staunchly focused on not getting caught, they, understandably, may have trouble enjoying themselves in day to day tasks and activities. If your partner seems on-edge but work, home, family, and social lives seem stable, it may be worth investigating.

They get defensive when you ask why certain things have changed.

shot of a young couple having an argument at homeJEFFBERGEN//GETTY IMAGES

Relationships change and evolve, but this should be something you can talk about as a couple. “If there is an innocent explanation for why some things have changed there is no need for defensiveness,” Coleman says. A cheater may answer a question with a question, like “Why do you ask?” or “Why is that important?” because they need more time to come up with an answer they can get away with, he says.

They start giving you more gifts than usual.

beautiful couple dateSVETIKD//GETTY IMAGES

Of course, loving partners give gifts. But cheaters take this to the next level to cover their tracks, Coleman says. It can be a way of reassuring you that they love you and are devoted to you “so that any subtle sign of cheating the partner uncovers can be readily dismissed as something ‘they would never do,’” he says.

Or they stop engaging in their typical love language.

shot of a senior couple arguing at homeCHARDAY PENN//GETTY IMAGES

If your partner used to plan date nights, once craved physical affection, or would always prioritize acts of service but has suddenly disengaged, it could be a red flag.

Or they’re suddenly really critical of you.

woman talking to man looking downCLARA NEUIMIE//GETTY IMAGES

There’s something called cognitive dissonance that’s an uncomfortable state of inner anxiety and tension created when a person’s attitude about something (cheating is wrong) is the opposite of what they’re actually doing (cheating anyway), Coleman says.

To try to reduce that inner tension, they may try to justify their cheating by trying to convince themselves that you’re the problem. And that can come out as being hypercritical of you out of nowhere.

You notice unexplained money issues.

worried black woman laying in bed with insomnia looking anxious and concernedLAYLABIRD//GETTY IMAGES

“Large purchases or unexplained withdrawals can be an indication of cheating, but they can also uncover gambling or shopping addictions,” Burns explains, noting that it’s not unheard of to discover a cheating partner via things like Venmo transactions and bank deposits or withdrawals. “It’s best to confront your partner about it and see if their story makes sense. If the details don’t align, or your gut is still saying something feels off, be on high alert!”

They accuse *you* of cheating.

stressed young married family couple arguing, blaming each otherFIZKES//GETTY IMAGES

This is a weird but common habit of cheaters—and there are a few reasons for it, Coleman says. By making your alleged behavior the issue, it puts you on the defensive and takes the focus off of them. It can also make you less likely to speak up about things that seem off because you don’t want to upset them, given that they’re already “worried” that you’re cheating. And it also gives them a reason to say they need “time away to think,” a.k.a. meet up with their lover.

They’re really on top of your schedule.

frustrated mixed race woman texting on cell phoneJGI/JAMIE GRILL//GETTY IMAGES

It can feel a little odd when your partner keeps asking when you will and won’t be home—and it should. “The cheater needs to know the time slots when they can have the freedom and flexibility to spend time with their new romantic interest,” Mayer says. “They work hard not to get caught.”

They complain about you.

senior man shouting at his wife in angerRGSTUDIO//GETTY IMAGES

If once-playful jokes or nabs begin to hit home a little harder than usual, or feel especially cruel, it could be your partner’s covert expression of dissatisfaction.

You just have a gut feeling.

frustrated sad girlfriend sit on bed think of relationship problemsWITTHAYA PRASONGSIN//GETTY IMAGES

“In general, if your gut, a.k.a your intuition, is telling you something is wrong, it usually is,” Burns notes. “Our intuition is a superpower for survival that picks up on tiny clues or sensing when something feels off, so if this warning bell is going off in your body, then pay attention!” In a healthy relationship your partner should listen and be understanding when you raise your concerns, and work with you to help ease your fears and feel more secure moving forward.

Bottom line: If your partner is showing any of these signs, or things just don’t feel right to you, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask what’s going on, Mayer says. Hopefully, there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation.

How to deal with signs of cheating

If you notice signs of a cheating partner or have solid evidence of cheating, your emotional response may make it difficult to confront your partner, but it’s important these feelings (and your partner’s behaviors) are addressed.

Find a calm moment to speak with your partner about your concerns and give them a chance to do the same, and offer an explanation for their behaviors, real or perceived. “Communication is key for the success of any relationship,” Burns explains. “If they get defensive, blame you, or focus angrily on how you obtained this information, this is a red flag that your partner won’t be honest, won’t take accountability, or won’t put in the work to repair the relationship.”

If your suspicions of cheating are confirmed, you’ll have to make an important decision about the future of the relationship. There’s no one correct answer, but it’s worth noting that depending on the circumstances “couples can absolutely come out stronger on the other side of infidelity,” Burns says. “It requires a lot of work and communication, usually aided by couples therapy and individual therapy,” which will help you both learn to heal and rebuild trust.

CREDIT: PREVENTION

Related Topics:
Continue Reading
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Entertainment

Reverse invalidation of degrees from Togo, Benin, Nigerian Students tells FG

The National Association of Nigerian Students (NANS) Southwest Zone, on Friday, appealed to the Federal Government to reverse its decision on the invalidation of degrees from Benin Republic and Togo, saying the action affects over 22,000 Nigerian students.

The Southwest Coordinator, John Alao, the Zonal Secretary General, Sanni Sulaimon Olamide, and Zonal Public Relations Officer, Peter Oluwadamilola Bamigboye, in a statement, said the student body was distressed to note that thousands of graduates who invested heavily in their education abroad have been rendered uncertain about their future.

“In line with the Renewed Hope Agenda of Mr. President, who has declared that no Nigerian student will be forced to drop out of school, it is distressing to note that thousands of graduates who invested heavily in their education abroad have been rendered uncertain about their future.

“This decision not only undermines their academic achievements but also places them in a precarious position, potentially exposing them to anti-government elements eager to exploit their frustration.

“We acknowledge the government’s concern over the rise of substandard educational institutions and the need to curb academic racketeering.

“However, the outright ban on degrees from Benin Republic and Togo without due diligence, particularly when these certificates were once validated, is both unfair and discriminatory.

“We urge the government to reconsider this decision, as it risks driving talented young Nigerians into the arms of unrest, insurrections, and anti-government activities.

“Nigeria has one of the largest youth populations in the world, with over 70 per cent of our population under the age of 30.

“Many of these young people are struggling in a harsh economic environment, seeking any opportunity for education and betterment.

“By invalidating their degrees and leaving them without recourse, we risk deepening youth unemployment, crime, and insecurity in the country.”

They appealed to the government to do the right thing and protect the future of Nigerian students.

They said: “It is our belief that the government should implement a more targeted approach in addressing the concerns of academic fraud.

“Rather than a blanket ban, the authorities should review each institution on a case-by-case basis, collaborating with regional educational bodies to ensure standards are met.

“The government must also engage in dialogue with affected students, providing alternatives and solutions to mitigate the impact of this decision.

“We appeal for the Federal Government’s intervention to ensure that the rights and future of Nigerian students are protected.

“Let us not allow isolated cases to cast a shadow on the legitimate efforts of thousands of Nigerian students. We trust in the government’s wisdom to make a fair, just, and practical decision that will ensure peace and progress in our nation.”

Continue Reading

Entertainment

‘I am very straight’ Harry song denies rumour of being gay

Nigerian music sensation, Harrysong, has publicly addressed speculation surrounding his sexuality, following a recent encounter with a gay admirer on social media.

During an interactive session with his fans on Instagram, an anonymous individual expressed admiration for the singer, sparking a conversation about his sexual orientation.In a clear and concise response, Harrysong clarified that he identifies as straight, stating,

“I’m not gay. I am very straight.

” However, the ‘Reggae Blues’ crooner also took the opportunity to emphasize his acceptance and non-discriminatory stance towards individuals from the LGBTQ+ community.

“But I don’t discriminate,” he added, conveying a message of inclusivity and respect for all individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation.

By doing so, Harrysong has demonstrated his commitment to promoting a culture of acceptance and understanding, while also setting the record straight about his own personal life.

The singer’s response has been met with praise from fans and supporters, who appreciate his candor and openness on the matter.

As a prominent figure in the Nigerian music industry, Harrysong’s words carry significant weight, and his message of acceptance is likely to resonate with a wide audience.

By addressing the issue in a straightforward and respectful manner, Harrysong has helped to promote a more inclusive and tolerant environment, where individuals can feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of judgment or discrimination.

His response serves as a reminder that everyone deserves respect and dignity, regardless of their sexual orientation or identity.

Continue Reading

Entertainment

Tems declares self open for marriage

Grammy-winning Nigerian R&B sensation, Temilade Openiyi, popularly known as Tems, has expressed her openness to the idea of marriage, setting herself apart from many celebrities who have publicly dismissed the notion.

During a recent appearance on the “Shopping The Sneakers” podcast, Tems was asked about her future plans regarding marriage, to which she responded with a hopeful “Yeah, we’ll see.

“The 29-year-old singer’s candid response suggests that she is leaving room for the possibility of marriage in her future.

Notably, Tems is not publicly linked to anyone romantically, having previously debunked rumors of a pregnancy with American rapper Future.

In a past interview with YouTuber Korty EO, Tems shared her perspective on relationships, stating that many men lack a genuine agenda beyond physical intimacy.

Despite this, Tems remains open to the idea of marriage, leaving fans and followers eagerly anticipating what the future holds for the talented artist.

Continue Reading

Entertainment

South Africa, Nigeria react to Chidimma Adetshina’s Miss Nigeria win

The crowning of Chidimma Adetshina as Miss Universe Nigeria 2024 has led to another heated digital conversation between South Africa and Nigeria.

Chidimma, who was born to a Nigerian father in South Africa, withdrew from the Miss South Africa competition due to backlash over her nationality.

Her Nigerian heritage attracted vicious xenophobic attacks and sparked controversy when she was announced as a Miss South Africa finalist in July, while the government said it was investigating a claim that her mother may have stolen the identity of a South African woman.

Despite not being in the country in 20 years, organisers of the Nigerian contest invited her to join their final, saying it was a chance for her to “represent your father’s native land on an international stage.”

The former Miss South Africa contestant was crowned Miss Universe Nigeria on Saturday. After her win, Chidimma stated, “This journey has been a tough journey for me and I am so proud of myself and I’m really grateful for the love and the support.”

However, many South Africans have taken to social media to express their discontent, with some calling Nigeria “lawless” and accusing the country of being a “fraud.”

Others accused Nigeria of “robbing other girls” and “cooking” the competition and some questioned the legitimacy of Chidimma’s Nigerian citizenship and claimed that she was only crowned to spite South Africa.

https://x.com/Gats_Jr/status/1830135695899234767 says “A lawless country like that one makes me laugh 😂 to crown a fraud”

https://x.com/_LeratoMabuzaM/status/1830136693329981847 says “Nigeria 🇳🇬 is lawless, what more can you expect from them”

https://x.com/elizabethmokoe4/status/1830136053761524175 says “It is a fact that Nigeria robbed other girls just to prove a point to SA that Chidima can be Miss Nigeria if they want to.”

https://x.com/OzalwauMaMnguni/status/1830139888181620984 says “Obviously it was cooked. First of all, they called her into the contest out of spite to SAns, without her auditioning. Obviously, they had to give her the title. I wonder how the other contestants are feeling about her reign!”

https://x.com/PresentMckennz1/status/1830147927882203338 says “Just waiting for Miss Universe organisers to have a say on this matter. I don’t see her taking part in Mexico because she is under investigation for identity fraud in SA, then boom got her papers sorted to be a Nigerian citizen, and boom she is now crowned. Lots of loopholes here.”

https://x.com/SocietyNews/status/1830146771772670157 says “Congratulations to Miss #ChidimmaAdetshina on winning the much coveted Miss Universe Nigeria. I hope she was not used as a Trojan horse to prove a point at the expense of other contestants, as many suspected. But I knew she would win. Don’t ask me how.”

Meanwhile, some South Africans have rallied behind Ufa Dania, a contestant representing Kwara State who did not win.

During the Chidimma controversy, Dania received an outpouring of support from South Africans online, with many voting for her. Some South Africans, who expected Dania to win, expressed sympathy for her, calling her the “true queen” and saying she would get bigger things than that crown.

“All eyes were on Nigeria; they had a chance to make history and change stereotypes, but as usual, they disappointed us Miss Kwara you will always be our Queen #MissUniverseNigeria.” wrote one X user.

Another user said “To all my Southy 🇿🇦 who voted for Miss Kwara Here is a reminder that you didn’t make a mistake. 🥺🤍 SADC we did it 😭 This is the year of Inclusivity 🤞🏽”

” Dear Miss Kwara, This pageant was just a stepping stone, not the ultimate destination. You will get bigger things than that crown. Your destiny is international, not local. See you on the global stage.👑”

Nigerians, on the other hand, were divided. While some celebrated Chidimma’s win and her resilience, others also questioned her deep connection to Nigeria.

https://x.com/LawrenceOkoroPG/status/1830148629841002651 says “Congratulations, Queen Chidimma Adetshina, Miss Universe Nigeria 2024. I feel very sorry for those girls who have worked very hard preparing for this contest only to be rigging for clout. The organisers need the clout; Chidimma needs the crown; it’s a win for both parties.”

https://x.com/Night_OwlQueen/status/1830136525624852922 says “Chidinma Adetshina??? Which part of Nigeria is she from???? Adetshina is name, what state exactly?????”

https://x.com/LopezIyke_/status/1830136125937140142 says, “Let’s imagine what could have happened to Chidinma Vanessa Adetshina if she didn’t win Miss Universe. The South Africans would have killed her with their negative abuses since yesterday. Now let’s imagine that she wins Miss Universe (World). They will cry blood.”

Continue Reading

Entertainment

Chidimma, South Africa’s Ex-beauty queen, wins Miss Nigeria after row

A former Miss South Africa contestant hounded over a nationality row was crowned Miss Universe Nigeria on Saturday, capping a difficult few weeks for the beauty queen.

Born to a Nigerian father in South Africa, 23-year-old Chidimma Adetshina withdrew from the country’s competition “for the safety and wellbeing of my family and I” after a backlash that exposed anti-foreigner sentiment in South Africa.

NIGERIA MISS BEAUTY CONTEST 2024

“This journey has been a tough journey for me and I am so proud of myself and I’m really grateful for the love and the support,” Adetshina told AFP minutes after being crowned in Nigeria’s commercial capital of Lagos.

“This is something that I’ve always wanted, and I’m really glad that I have a second shot as well at achieving it,” Adetshina said.

Her Nigerian heritage attracted vicious xenophobic attacks and sparked controversy when she was announced as a Miss South Africa finalist in July, while the government said it was investigating a claim that her mother may have stolen the identity of a South African woman.

Despite not being in the country in 20 years, organisers of the Nigerian contest invited her to join their final, saying it was a chance for her to “represent your father’s native land on an international stage”.

“We all need to stop with the xenophobia… with the tribalism,” first runner-up Paula Ezendu told AFP.

“We’re all one family. We’re all human beings,” she added.

NIGERIA MISS BEAUTY CONTEST 2024

The nationality controversy notwithstanding, Adetshina insisted she loved South Africa and was grateful for the support from the country.

She will represent Nigeria at the international Miss Universe competition in November.

“I know we are going to win,” she told reporters.

Continue Reading

Entertainment

Did Portable Get a 10-Year Canada Work Visa? He Says So, But…

Popular Nigerian musician, Habeeb Okikiola, better known as Portable, has claimed that he has secured a 10-year Canada work visa.

Portable made the claim in a video posted on Instagram on Friday.

Showing off the visa he had received, Portable said that he can now perform his shows in Canada.

“Alhamdulilahi 🙏 CEO DR ZEHNATION Going to Canada 🇨🇦 Going and coming 10 years working permit,” he captioned the video.

However, findings by The Guardian show that it is possible what Portable got is a multiple entry visa.

Canadian work permits are typically valid for a period of 1-2 years, with some exceptions. A visa officer will usually not issue a work permit for longer than the validity of an applicant’s passport or past the validity indicated on the applicant’s Labour Market Impact Assessment (LMIA).

According to ircc.canada.ca, while valid, a multiple entry visa will let you travel to Canada for six months at a time as many times as you want. It will be valid for up to 10 years or one month before your passport expires, whichever is shorter. You must arrive in Canada on or before the expiry date on your visa.

Portable became famous after contributing to the song, ‘ZaZoo Zehh,’ which featured Nigerian rapper Olamide and famous dancer Poco Lee.

During his early stage of fame, he became popular for always calling out his business partners on social media, accusing them of defrauding him on business deals.

In April 2023, Portable was arrested by the police in Ogun State and arraigned on five counts bordering on alleged assault and stealing at the Ifo Magistrate Court.

He was remanded at the Ilaro Correctional Centre thereafter but released after meeting his bail conditions.

In May 2024, Portable was again arrested by the police for refusing to pay the balance of a G-Wagon vehicle he purchased from a car dealer.

He was reported to have purchased the vehicle worth ₦27 million but paid only ₦13 million.

In a viral video, Portable was seen to have scaled a gate after policemen approached him with an arrest warrant to follow them but refused, which led to him being handcuffed and taken into a waiting vehicle.

Continue Reading
Advertisement

Trending